Coffee with Evan & Myself

tappingI did something crazy yesterday.  I took the day off.

Battling the inner voice in my head & guilt in my heart that I had kids/work/other obligations back home, I boarded the train and had a $3 cup of Dunkin Donuts in silence as the Northeast Corridor passed me by.  But this coffee date wasn’t entirely by myself; I had a date with Evan Hansen, the other 1,008 people that fit in New York’s Music Box Theatre, and on some level – with every college student I have ever encountered in my work who merely wants to be SEEN.  One day later, I’m still thinking.

I’m thinking about the power of music to move the soul, the map I seek (as a mom, as a human being) on how to live our lives (you know, the map that doesn’t actually exist).  I’m thinking of the likes we seek, the windows on my phone screen that take me away from the real windows that frame my life.  I’m thinking of you – that college student that I didn’t give enough time to because I was too distracted, the one that sought validation I wasn’t able to give, the one who felt lost as a freshman but told me everything was great when I knew it wasn’t.

When I see a beautiful piece of art, I want to bottle it up and share it.  I want to give it out so others can drink up that feeling, the one that brought tears to my eyes and powered me all the way back home.  But I don’t have the money to buy a theatre ticket for everyone I’ve ever known.  What I do have are prayers and questions.

I pray that I see you, as you thirst to be seen.  I pray that I hire people that do the same.  I pray you know that none of my phone windows are as important as seeing you on the other side of yours, and I pray I look up and show you that.  I pray that I can use my career for good, just as the writers and actors of Dear Evan Hansen do with this show.  And I pray I stop being so hard on myself, that I remember a day to myself to think through my prayers helps me do better for the world.

What’s the art around you that you thirst to bottle up?  Who can you look up and see a little more clearly today?


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