Kol Nidre 5784
Hi Sara. Hi Jacob. Hi Dani.
Hi Barbie. Hi Barbie. Hi Barbie.
I had no plans and zero interest in going to see Barbie this past summer. In fact, I barely understood what all the fuss was about when my social media feeds started filling up with that famous icon – face in the middle, sparkles all around, defining ‘This Barbie…’ mantra in the middle. And yet, as our children often do, my daughter led the way. Her other ten year old friends had gone, swathed in hot pink, to see the film so I figured it was an easy opportunity for quality time. Off we went one Sunday afternoon.
Perhaps only because I had such limited advanced knowledge or preconceived notions did I really receive this piece of art with such deep joy and gratitude. Greta Gerwig is one smart cookie. I laughed, I cried, and I started thinking about what I wanted to talk about on Yom Kippur. I want to talk about G/d and Torah and Jewish ownership, and the role we all must play in accessing these points. I want to talk about you and I want to talk about Barbie.
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Ruth Mosko, the daughter of Jacob Moscowiz and Ida Rubinstein, married Elliot Handler on January 1, 1938. Ruth and Elliott joined forced with Harold Mattson to found a new company – the Matt in Mattson and the El in Elliot combined to make MATT-EL, Mattel. (I guess RuthEl or MattRuth didn’t have the same ring to it). As has now been repeatedly chronicled, Ruth aimed to create a more lifelike doll for her daughter, Barbara, to dream big dreams with and Barbie was born.
In the movie, Ruth is often a lonely figure, waxing philosophic about life, swathed in white, and contemplative in her dreamy world off-course from the main characters. She’s always in the building where the magic happens but never in the frame where the most action is happening. She’s with us, guiding us, narrating for us, asking vital questions of us – but never fully giving the answers.
Real life Ruth was complicated. She lost a son – Ken – to a brain tumor. For all that’s written about her emphasis on Barbie’s breasts, she had a double mastectomy of her own, later creating a company that helped other women navigating the same. She got into trouble with the SEC for tax evasion. And she was kicked out of Mattel – was it because she was a pushy, overbearing creator or a strong woman that the other men in the room couldn’t bear?
In the movie – and in real life – she invited messy questions. She was a bold creator. Her existence caused millions to think of their own self-image – who am I? what defines me? Am I Executive Director Adena? Mom Adena? Wife Adena? Beach Adena?
I walked out of the movie thinking about Ruth and thinking about G/d. I know, we Jews, don’t seem to talk about G/d too much. If I yelled right now – PRAISE THE LORD! BARUCH HASHEM! – would you cringe? And yet the holiday of Yom Kippur invites us to have one, roving, day-long conversation with our creator. Who am I? What defines me? What kind of complicated, messy, Barbie am I, and what kind do I need to try to be?
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I secondly emerged from the movie theatre that day, continuing to think about what I’ve been thinking about a lot these days – a box. It’s not sexy to ‘be in a box’ these days. “Get out of the box!”, they tell me. “Don’t box me in!”
And yet simultaneously, I notice in my students a deep desire to put the world in boxes, classifying chaos to make it feel more manageable. If I can figure out who fits in this box and who fits in that one, maybe I can figure out where I belong, too.
But Barbie’s box is her origin story; boxes don’t just limit us but they are at the core of where we begin to shape our sense of self. Without a box to break out of, shown beautifully in the movie as she tries to emerge from her wrist ties in the offices of Mattel, Barbie isn’t Barbie. Resold Barbies the world over, along with other collector’s items, are always infinitely more valuable when they come in their original boxes – the more pristine the box, the better. I don’t think the movie hits and Greta Gerwig gets hailed as a movie-making genius without the origin story of Barbie’s box to set the scene. Even the masterminds of the Barbie marketing campaign knew this, putting full-sized boxes in movie theatres across the country for Instagrammers everywhere to jump into.
What is our box, as Jews? Origin story, the basis of it all, the start of our story? I walked out of Barbie thinking about the Torah – not just the five books in a scroll kind of Torah, but also the general gift of Judaism.
You may have heard by now that this this is GW Hillel’s Year of the Box. I’ll admit that ‘The Year of the Torah’ or ‘The Year of All That Judaism Has to Offer You’ didn’t have the same ring, but that’s ultimately what I’m talking about here. I believe deeply that all that Judaism has to offer is a gift, but that gift is not a passive one that will magically enter your life without you working hard to receive it. We will read on Yom Kippur, as we do every time we take out the Torah, ‘Eitz chayim hi lamachazikim bah’– is is a tree of life FOR THOSE WHO GRASP IT.
During this long conversation you’re having with G/d today, what will you talk about? The Box, the Torah, YOUR JUDAISM is NOTHING unless you ask questions of it. Barbie and the marketers and the Mattel Men and Greta Gerwig all had to consider the box and how it fit into the broader story of progress. Judaism asks you to do the same. How will you look to your origins and figure out how they fit into your story? What will you do to use your roots for a Judaism that is uniquely yours?
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As I walked out of the theatre that day, Ruth had me thinking of G/d and Barbie’s Box had me thinking of the Torah. But most of all, Barbie made me turn inwards and think of me. Barbie is on a journey of self-discovery, one that isn’t linear. She zigs and zags through different worlds. One day, she’s joyful and smiling, on her tip toes, as a song joyfully plays in the background:
“What you wearin’? Dress or suit?
Either way, that power looks so good on you”
But on another day, the refrain goes:
“Hey Barbie – why so stressed? Could it be those irrepressible thoughts of death?’
Could there be any more perfect piece of art for Yom Kippur?
In the liturgy over these past days, we are on a roller coaster ride. We speak of a Yom Din – a day of judgement. For Unataneh Tokef on this night, we note: “who will live and who will die; who will die at his predestined time and who before his time; who by water and who by fire.” And yet, we are also told that Yom Kippur is a day of joy and opportunity. In this era of wellness and self-help, it’s the original cleanse – take a breath, take stock, erase the bad and begin again.
Barbie has good days and bad ones. Some days she feels beautiful, and life feels simple; other days, she is lying face down on the floor. Barbie and Yom Kippur invite us to embrace the messy, to understand that our struggles – those tears that stream down our face – is what ultimately make us humans and not plastic dolls on store shelves. This year, will you push away those challenges or will you honor them as fundamental to who you are as a complex human being and a Jew?
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This Yom Kippur, we’ll repeat over and over again – with three things we can overcome our decree – teshuvah– righting our wrongs – tefillah – prayer – and tzedakah – giving to others. I’m holding those three with me as I embark with you on this holiday.
But the Barbie movie’s holy three are coming with me this Yom Kippur, too:
1: Ruth + G/d and the conversation one can have with something greater than ourselves.
2: The Box + Torah and how one must actively grasp to write their own Jewish story…and…
3: Barbie and embracing being a complicated, holy being.
I hope this day is one where you can dig into these three frames, too – working to further paint a picture of your life that helps you take the wholeness and reflection of this time of the year and have it power you forward into the year to come.
G’mar Chatima Tovah
adena the coffee queen 